But if one or the other feels this is something a future romantic partner should know, don’t be surprised if upon hearing your confession your new love quickly backs away. If you do have an affair, or something pretty close, and you vow to forever keep this secret, you each will spend decades hoping your sibling stays silent. You profess you two want normal lives, but if you violate this taboo you may never get there. If one day Jack’s resolve breaks, you, Jill, are likely to come tumbling after. You say you don’t want to cross the ultimate line, but you continue to slow dance to the edge of it. Since you’re both in your 20s, the trend appears to be going the opposite way of outgrowing your closeness. Must we stop this immediately, or may we let it continue and hope we grow out of it? We both know intellectually that we shouldn’t be doing this, but we don’t feel the wrongness of it. We want to lead normal lives and have families.

I needed to talk to someone about this so I went to a counselor at the student health service and in the first session she practically ordered me not to see him for three months. I go on dates with other men, but I never feel the emotional connection that I feel with my brother. We have not had sex because there’s a psychological barrier that neither of us wants to cross. When I’m with him I feel loved and cared for. Now we lie on the bed, clothed, and kiss and talk and hold each other. About three months ago we were sitting on my couch watching a sad movie and when it was over we turned to each other, exchanged a look, and started kissing. I’m now a senior and he’s a graduate student. After he went away to college, I chose a college in the same city as his, so we continued to see a lot of each other. He’s two years older and looked out for me in high school, and I shared with him what girls are like, which made him more confident socially. Our parents are admirable people who took good care of us, but are distant and aloof, and I think that my brother and I turned to each other for warmth and emotional support. My brother and I are having a physical relationship.

Submit your questions and comments here before or during the live discussion.

Got a burning question for Prudie? She’ll be online at to chat with readers each Monday at noon. Please send your questions for publication to. Get Dear Prudence delivered to your inbox each week click here to sign up.

Brother bear and sistwr